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There’s no point in being with someone if all you do is fight.

Just so tired of everything. This month has been the worst. I just want to sit here, cry and just give up. I feel lost again and just I really have no idea what to do. I thought I was done with this. Guess not.

:’( I’m so stressed out. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Life is so hard lately. I feel like I’m going insane with stress. :’(

I really think it’s sad that we consider Cubans ‘refugees’ and not Mexicans or other very poor and very dangerous countries. I really don’t know how the system of judging which country gets to have the refugee status but for The US to have such harsh restrictions on Mexican people is ridiculous. Most of the people is Mexico are poor and live in horrible conditions and it’s one of the most dangerous places to live because of the drug cartels, but just because it’s a democracy and has a simi developed economy the people don’t have the right to better their life here? Yet, if a Cuban fucking goes in their banana boat to America they automatically get to stay? Lets think for a second about this. 99% of all cubans in the us are awful, they sell drugs, commit so much crime and are just not good people at all, I’m not saying mexicans are angels because they are far from it. But the people are usually some of the nicest and most generous. They actually WANT to work and even take the jobs we don’t want, and even though it might be because that’s all they can get now, I’m sure they’d be fine keeping them. There should be something that every person gets a chance to better their/families lives by moving here. If they get in ANY trouble then they get kicked out and have to follow regulations to get back. no 2nd chances, but just that first chance and I bet so many people would better themselves from that awful country. hopefully, educated people would come too, to better the economy by opening business’ and not just taking jobs. I don’t know how to say what I’m thkning the way I’m thinking it but I’ve been thinking about it all day since I read something last night. I just really think the US is so fucked up in every way and I just wanna move to Korea already. or maybe Canada. rather Korea though. kdone.  

I really hate that here in America a guy will get judged and get tons of hate comments always just because I dress, talk and like polar opposite things than the “typical” guy would. Grow the fuck up and get with the times. This is the 21st century, I can dress in tight clothes and wear cancer bracelets, I can listen to my girly kpop and have my office jobs, I can always care about the way I look and if I need to I will cover my flaws with what I feel necessary, and if that happens to be bb cream under my eyes or tons of hair spray and waving my hair, then sofuckingbeit! NONE OF THAT changes the fact that I like girls. How is any of this even relevant? Why are all these stupid ass people so obsessed with what I listen to or how I dress. even how I talk!? It’s just sad that people can be so cruel when they have no fucking idea who or what I am! but whatever, I don’t need ANYONE’S approval except my Lord’s. I think I’m a great person and love how I am. I always wished I could have changed and been more ‘typical’… but why the fuck would I want to do that when I would be changing ME? And to be honest, I’m fucking great, no matter how many flaws I have or mistakes I make. fuck what anyone thinks. I am me and I wouldn’t change for ANYONE on this planet. I need to move to Korea and get the fuck away from all these uncultured Americans who know nothing except how to make themselves happy.   fjdklfjasdklfj kdonebye

So… I broke Cici’s phone yesterday… well the screen anyways.

So now on top of the money I just dropped on my new phone since some tweaker stole it I gotta pay $80 to get her shit fixed. fuck man. :(  this shit sucks.  but it’s worth it to have the stuff we have.  I love having nice things… it honestly makes me feel confidant and like I’m worth something. I wish other things gave me that feeling. 

djhfljsdhf I gotta go do night audit now though… I really do want to start updating this again though. 

This is why I don’t listen to any music in english. ughgjfhlgkadfgjdfhg

just sitting here at work and these guests come in…

 they’re only around 16 or 17 and already obviously drug addicts.  It’s crazy  how young some of these people are and already using drugs like meth. I mean I know I’m only gonna be 21 and I’ve already been addicted to heroin and pills…. but I just honestly don’t think it’s as bad as using meth. nothing,in my opinion is worse than that. and…it sucks because you can tell they;re the kind of poeple who there’s no hope for in this life. 

No education and no manners. illiterate and just nothing good. sucks butits so true. 

I guess I should jsut worry about me and not anyone else. I’m a caring person though and I can’t help but wonder how they could have ended up the way they are.   weird where life takes us.I’ve been through somuch in mylife and still I’m coming this far from a point I never thought that Iwould be able to come back from. 

Life. Is Good.

I’m miserable. :’(

Even though my life is going good I still just wish I had one person in my life who understood me and tht I could talk to. It sucks that Im alone when it comes to myself. I need a break and I need a fucking day off. Working 24fuckimg7 and then not being able to sleep when I’m not isn’t good. I want to cry an just scream right now but it wouldn’t make a difference.
Idk what to do about this. :’(

My boss at the hotel told me I might be asst. mngr! I would do that 3 days a week from 3-11 and then night audit 4 days a week 11-7.

I just don’t know how it’ll work out because my life is so hectic right now… But even thought its chaotic, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sure there are things about my life and myself I would change but that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy and prosper further than I ever have before. I’m Turning into someone I love and I couldn’t be happier. Done with pills. Done with heroin. Done with being depressed an done with feeling sorry for myself. Have been for a while. To say I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through in my life and to be where I am now shows me how faithful my lord really is. I’m just so blessed. I couldn’t ask for more. :) sorry I’m rambling on. I’m on an energy shot and 2 cups of coffee. Haha so I’m bouncing off the walls … But I had to or I would be asleep an I’m at work so that’s a nono. Lol. Kimdonebye.

I fucking love my dealer man.

He gives me fucking $40 worth of bud for $20. I’m so glad to not have a sketchy ass dealer. 

My life is fucking PERFECT right now. I love God, so much he has done for me in such a small amount of time!

So let me just give you guys a deeper look into my life. I got this message from my aunt through HER DAUGHTERS account. She attacked me out of no where too.. she is literally crazy. She was always on pills in my childhood and thinks she’s better than everyone so I don’t know what she is talking about. She acts like she is such an adult and that she cares so much and is just so much better than everyone. This just shows how mature and ‘better’ she really is. I’m done with her and her husband and she just can’t get that. She wants to try and punk me to prove she is better? I still ave no idea what provoked this. Just because I’m happy?

• Estrella Gomez

  Since you wont answer your phone, you hang up on us when we call and you personally blocked me from facebook, I had to use one of my daughters accounts to get this message to you! So, first of Im going to let you know that if I hear ONE more thing that you said about ME or MY HUSBAND Derrick, I am not going to stop Manny from going over to your house. He has already tried a number of times but I have stopped him! What did he EVER EVER EVER do to you, except help you out!!?? He told me he even gave you a ride home the last time you were over. Well, not the very last time, since you decide you can come to my house when me and Manny are not home. If you want to visit your grandparents do it somewhere else„ NOT at my home. I mean why should you feel welcomed at MY House, when you cant even answer your phone to me or Manny!?? Secondly, the jealousy needs to stop already Derrick, I mean come on already!!! Stop being such a bratty lil kid and GROW UP and act your damn age already! You talk SOOOO MUCH crap about how we have to steal money to pay our bills, you talk soo much crap that what we do have is always junk or pieces of shit, you talk crap about where we live, what we drive. But guess what„ ITS ALL BETTER THAN WHAT YOU HAVE, so that tells me YOUR JEALOUS!!! You dont see me trying to act better than no one, you dont see me trying to say im better than everyone either! All I do is work hard EVERY day to provide for MY KIDS so that they WILL have everything they want!! Guess what!?? My kids are NOT on drugs, My kids are still in school graduating, My kids have what they need when they need it, my kids have all the support in the world! So quit trying to hate on them for what they have become, Im sorry you never accomplished things you wanted to and Im sorry that you feel you need to hide behind drugs because your life is so hard because no one does it for you! Stop trying to make people feel sorry for you and break that cycle of life that you ended up in!! Why just blame someone for all your mistakes instead of learn from them? I thought you were better than that, I thought you were going to definitely break that cycle and be something amazing! Boy was I wrong, instead you ended up being one of the worst hypocrites I have ever met in my life!!! If you have something to say about ME, about MANNY or about MY KIDS, i suggest you say it TO ME and not to everyone else, because believe me, IT WILL GET BACK TO ME! You think you can talk about the people you helped you the MOST?? Havent you EVER heard of “Dont bite the hand that feeds you?” Well, apparently not! Cause me and Manny have always been there and would still be, but you rather just put us down, make up stories and lies about us, talk about how shitty the things we buy for our kids are and so on and so on, but in reality, we have what we have because of ME and My husband WORKING Hard to earn a living to provide it all!! We dont buy things to make people jealous, we dont EVER make anyone feel less of a person around us, and we have ALWAYS been very respectful, „„ UNTIL YOU CROSS THE LINE. which you clearly have. IF you dont want to be a part of our lives, JUST LEAVE US ALONE then!!! Does it make you feel good when you put one of us down, or when you hear a rumor and you spread it to make it 10x worse? Or is it just that you are soooo jealous that you cant stand to see a family working and doing well for themselves even after being brought up in a family that never taught us how to be independent and drug free and successful! What ever one it is, just STOP THE BULLSHIT already! Im tired of trying to make excuses for you and cover shit up for you when in reality, you need a wake up call or a slap in the face to bring you back to where you came from, cause YOU ARE NOT any better and your shit talking is going to get you an ass whoopin you WONT FORGET!! I promise you that, its not a threat.
• Monday
• 

  4:20pm

  Derrick Frost

  You’re ridiculous and I think you’re the one who needs to grow up. Get a life and stay out of mine. I don’t want either of you in my life obviously lol I mean why would I have blocked you if I did? Can’t get the point? And to threaten me! Lol wow. What a grown up huh. You’re so classy and have so much sense right but then you and your caveman husband or whatever he is threaten me. Let him come over and then let’s see where he ends up because I know if I ever see him here his ass will be in jail and so will you for threatening me. Get over yourselfs already!? Your kids aren’t the greatest and good for you that you gove them what they want. Thats why andrew is stoll in pampers and on the bottle right!? and why alyiah is sucj a brat! the best one is jordan and he was with his dad when he started doing well. and I am the one out of your life lol you’re the one barging into MINE! I never said anything about what your kids have and lol okay. You have such great stuff. Cool! It’s better than mine. Cool!! Lol good for you! Good for nanny for getting his finger chopped off cuz now you guys have money to act like your rich again! Yay! Stay out of my life Roxanne. You and manny. I don’t like people who try and act like their shit don’t stink and that exactly what you both are. I never sai a word about your kids or about your stuff. I don’t know where you got that idea from. I’ve been off of pills for over 7 months so Idk how you could think I’m all drugged out. I have my own place. My own car. And I pay for my own stuff. You think I get taken care of? No. I paid the same amount that Cecilia did. I have a job and I do what I got to do. You need to stop being so desperate to start drama WITH YOUR 20 YO NEPHEW! Lol you’re the jealous one. You’re miserable and I’m amazingly happy and you can’t stand for anyone else to be happy! You’ll get what’s coming to you guys tho. And I know you have A LOT coming. Don’t send me another message again or I will report you for harassment. And trust me, that’s not a threat. That’s a fact! Bye Roxanne. Have a good life.
• Today
• 

  11:48am

  Estrella Gomez

  OK lilttle boy„ youve crossed the line… we WILL see who laughs now. Wow!! Big Talk for a heroin attic who has to beg his girlfriend to pay his bills! You can talk ALOT of shit on facebook but you cant FACE up like a man! Glad to see you have nerve to talk to me like this, the person who actually raised you! Its ok tho, its all the drugs that have eaten your brain, so I forgive you.
• 

  11:50am

  Derrick Frost

  Lol think what you want. I don’t need your approval. Guess I gotta block Estrella and Brianna which I realy didn’t wanna do, since you’re so pathetic and really want to start drama STILL! GET OVER IT!
• 

  11:55am

  Derrick Frost

  But I gues now that you’re off pills and don’t have to beg your grandmother for her credit cards or your parents for. Their pain pills it’s all good tho right? I forgot that you’re better than me and so you can just make shit up and it HAS TO be true. So okay. I’m a heroin addict and I live off my girlfriend. Screw off. Seriously. You’re just an adult who can’t grow up. So childish trying to fight with a 20year old.